1. Teachers that suggest that we might not be talented enough to do something

Years ago psychologists did a classroom experiment. A group of children were randomly divided into two classes. The teachers were told that the students in first class were high achievers that should do well. The second class was labeled as “underachievers” who needed special help.


At the beginning of the year there was no difference between the two groups of children in terms of ability. However, by the end of the school year the class that was labeled ‘high-achievers’ did better than average work, while the class of so-called “underachievers” not only scored poorly, but they were less liked by their teacher.

It turned out that people unconsciously create situations that encourage expected behavior. If our expectations of a person are negative, we actually encourage them to behave negatively.

What to do about it:

If you want to change someone else’s behavior, change your expectations about this person. Expect better from people, treat them accordingly and sooner or later they will begin to act that way.

2. Mean old ladies

There is always a reason why an old lady gives you a stern look – you are being too loud, you are dressed inappropriately, you are not crossing the street in the right place. Sometimes it can be endearing, but if you are already having a bad day, a mean old lady can drive you to the edge of frustration.

What to do about it:

I’ve come to realize that when people initiate conflicts, it is actually an expression of their inner state expressed externally. You, your personality, your looks or your actions have nothing to do with it. It is not personal, so why take it personally?

3. That person, who cuts in front of everybody in line

This is something that gets me worked up. Even if I have plenty of time and I am not in a hurry, I still feel bad for the other people in line who are being treated unjustly. Are you more patient than I am or do you feel this kind of frustration too?


What to do about it:

First, it helps to remember that where our attention goes, our energy flows. If we nurture negative thoughts or think of spiteful remarks then we are wasting our energy on negativity, instead of on our personal wellbeing. Situations like this could be a great opportunity to learn to control our initial negative responses and practice understanding.


After all, we don’t know why the person is cutting in front of everyone in line: maybe they just have a quick question or maybe there is an emergency.

4. People that give our kids noise-making toys as a present

Last week I babysat my niece and I actually made this mistake. I bought her one of those fancy kids’ cellphones that makes sounds when you press the buttons and plays 3 different melodies. By the end of the 4th hour of her calling me and our "imaginary" friends I was actually contemplating ‘accidentally’ dropping and breaking the stupid thing.


The solution to the problem was finally obtained – to wait for the right moment and then take the batteries out!


What to do about it:

For starts, I would inform every friend and relative in your family that a drum set is off the limits. Second, I would declare that those who have the ‘genial’ idea of giving annoying noise-making toys to your children should be the ones babysitting your excited off-springs.


This technique definitely worked miracles for me.


5. Friends that tell you “I told you so”

It is one thing to admit that you made a mistake and another to hear it from a person that you actually consider your friend. Friends should be there to support you and cheer you up when you are feeling down, not make themselves feel better at your expense, right?



What to do about it:

It helps to keep in mind that when people say “I told you so”, they are trying to say, “I hope that you will listen to my advice in future”. Surprisingly enough, it is their way of protecting you from future mistakes (even if this strategy does not make you feel any better). If this is not the help you need – voice it out, without getting defensive. Bring the conversation back to what they can do to help you deal with the situation.


6.Co-workers that always have to have the last word

Some people still believe that “Truth is Born of Arguments”. So they drag you into an argument and then make it their goal to prove to you that they are right (even if you both know it is not the case).

What to do about it:

Agree to disagree. Any discussion, where at least one of the two parties refuses to listen soon turns into a battle of egos- me-versus-you, Who is right? sort of game. It leads nowhere, resolves nothing and when the heat of an argument cools down it leaves you feeling angry and upset.

So the ultimate question is why waste your energy on empty conflicts?